![]() ![]() If there is something that you are both able and willing to do to change the situation/moment/feeling, then you should do that and work on change. So how do we decide what to accept and what to change? There’s a relatively simple test for that. In it, she says something that almost gets lost in her story, that even if we are accepting a moment, we are also working to change the next moment. In the video below, DBT creator Marsha Linehan talks about how she learned Radical Acceptance while at a Buddhist monastery. The radical part is throwing your whole self into really connecting with all of the thoughts and feelings associated with that moment. Radical Acceptance is a distress tolerance skill where you work on acknowledging the reality of a particular moment (or of the past) and letting it be what it is without changing it. And that way is outlined in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) when they talk about Radical Acceptance. What we need is a way to understand when it is a good time to work on acceptance, and when it is a good time to work on change. So, does the idea of wanting things to change go against the concept of acceptance? ![]() And all of these changes are within your control and can have a marked impact on your life. You can change your diet and exercise routines. You can change who you spend your time with or how you cope with different situations. You can change how you interact with others. Given this, many people come to the conclusion that we have to work on acceptance which is a willingness to tolerate something as it is in the moment, without doing anything to change it (because we can’t!).Īnd yet, don’t we all want things to feel better emotionally or physically or go better in our lives? Why would you want to accept painful experiences in your life if you have the ability to change them? Thankfully, there are a lot of things that we can work to change. It turns out we don’t have control over these things! We can’t change the past, we can’t know the future, and we can’t control how other people interact with us or choose to live their lives. Have you ever struggled with wanting to change something in your life that is painful or difficult to face? Are there things in your past that you regret or wish did not happen? Do you find yourself worrying about the future? Do you wish someone in your life would treat you differently or take care of themselves differently because what they are doing worries you? ![]()
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